


Happy Ever Disaster(s)

by coveredinfeels



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 12:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20835407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coveredinfeels/pseuds/coveredinfeels
Summary: Keg falls in love. That's just the place the story starts.Or, what if word of the attack on the Cobalt Soul made it to Shadycreek Run?





	Happy Ever Disaster(s)

Once upon a time, Keg fell in love, and then ran away. Left a letter, because that seemed like a good idea at the time. Or it had, at the start of the letter. Less so by the end, but she'd left it anyway, because otherwise it would probably be a waste of the paper, right?

It doesn't have to be weird, Beau had said, except for the part where these are the nicest bunch of assholes Keg has hung out with maybe ever, and it makes her think of some things Yuto said, mostly bullshit she'd told him would get him killed, mostly bullshit that probably had, but Keg wants—

She wants, and then she runs away. Doesn't say _are you awake?_ although she could have. Knows her armour clanks on the way out and her feet sink into the snow. Probably really easy to track her, if anybody wanted to.

Seems like anybody doesn't, but that's how it goes.

If this was a proper story, then she would have actually learnt something from the whole experience and gone out and done good or something. Done better, at least. Be a little kinder, maybe. Tried not to kill anybody else unless they really, really deserved it.

But she's from Shadycreek Run, at heart, and The Run don't change. The Iron Shepherds might be gone, but there's plenty else to fill the gap. Kind of like expecting to fix the hole in your roof by mopping up the puddle on the floor. Keg, for her part, moves her bed to the other side of the room so her blanket doesn't get wet, and keeps on living, like an asshole.

She's learnt the lessons of The Run too well. If I run away fast enough, maybe I won't have to watch anyone die. If I don't care, maybe it won't hurt when they scream. If I walk away in the morning, maybe it won't hurt to say goodbye.

<s>Beau</s> The Mighty Nein don't get in touch, and that's fine, because it's not like Keg is good at letters, or friends, or any of that shit anyway. If she knew where to send a letter, what would she even write? _I love you_ feels too small and too stupid and too large all at the same time. Keg doesn't know words for the shape of the marks Beau left on her, for this feeling stuck in her throat that she can't spit out or swallow down. Like a chicken bone only with less choking and more really horny dreams, or something.

She's not putting _that_ in a letter.

Then one day, this guy— nobody she knows, looks like he's not from around here and probably will get stabbed before dawn— is in the bar talking shit about empire shit and the war with the cricks, which is nothing that matters to Keg, except he was in Zadash recently and starts talking about the Cobalt Soul, which maybe Keg might have remembered is where Beau trained and where she's from, or maybe the other way around.

She can remember things. About people. For no particular reason.

“Some sort of fiendish warrior, probably evil drow magic, you know,” he says, vaguely waving his hands about, “bodies and blood everywhere, apparently. They shut the gates for two days and I was nearly late for my next delivery.”

Keg hopes he gets stabbed before dawn.

She doesn't stay to check.

* * *

Okay, so Zadash is actually really far away and the Righteous Brand are a bunch of pricks, but Keg manages. Hooks up with a merchant caravan half-way through who want some protection and it goes pretty well in that nobody wants to make conversation, except then they pick up some old cleric who talks a lot of shit about trust and faith and wants to _help_ or something. 

Keg thinks that sounds like bullshit, and when the cleric turns out to be some sort of demonic shapeshifting thing she feels proved absolutely right.

A lot of the merchants die, but Keg lives, like an asshole, even if her armour is even more ragged around the edges because acidic demon blood or something? Whatever. Just another set of corpses to walk away from.

She wonders if the Mighty Nein would have, you know, saved everyone or some shit. She wonders if Beau would be disappointed that Keg is still just Keg, and not someone better. She walks, because the stupid demon thing also killed all the horses.

And she makes it to Zadash.

They even let her in through the gates, eventually and extremely suspiciously and with lots of warnings not to cause trouble, like anybody from Shadycreek Run doesn't know how to keep their fucking head down, and she finds the Cobalt Soul library, which is the biggest-ass building just for storing books Keg has ever seen.

The first thing is, pretty sure not _all_ the monks died, because there's two near the front giving her looks like they don't want her there. Hey, she reads. When she has to. But when one of them comes forward she sees behind him on the wall a gash through some of the pretty symbols of whatever god it is likes books, a sort of nasty scar what would fit better on pretty much any building in The Run then here in this place.

Plus, even while he's trying to sneer at her he kind of looks like he might shit himself if she says boo.

She doesn't. Look, that's nice of her. She's being nice. “So, uh, you know Beau, uh, Beauregard? She's one of you guys, like, this tall, really hot?”

Could probably give a better description if she put her mind to it. Keg can remember things. About people. About the way they smile. For no particular reason.

His sneer doubles, which is kind of a neat trick. “She is not here, and I am very thankful to not know anything further. Please leave.”

“So, she's not dead?” That's— that's a good thing. Okay. Weird how her armour feels lighter all of a sudden. Must be all the bits that fell off from the acid blood.

“By the will of Ioun, apparently not.” the snooty monk says. “_Please._ Go.”

Well, what is she supposed to do now? She hangs about outside for a bit, attracting the attention of two lots of Crownsguard who think she might be up to no good, which is absolutely unfair, because Keg is pretty sure she's never committed any crimes _in Zadash_, actually, until eventually another, similarly snooty looking monk wanders up to her.

“At one point her group were considering heading to the capital.” he says. “Now, kindly leave or I will have to instruct the Crownsguard to arrest you for loitering.”

She tries to explain she's not even doing anything but standing around, but apparently that's what loitering _is_. You can get arrested for not doing anything now? The Empire _sucks_.

Okay, but it has a capital. Maybe she should go there. Just in case Beau needs any help.

* * *

Rexxentrum is even _snootier_ than Zadash. Keg can't believe she's missing Shadycreek Run. Also, you can _absolutely_ get arrested for doing absolutely nothing at all, unless you count asking a few questions as a thing. It's not her fault snooty monks are apparently really easily spooked.

“I suggest,” says the Crownsguard asshole, dropping all Keg's worldly goods in a pile on the floor, “that you leave Rexxentrum and go back to whichever criminal hovel you came from.”

Like Keg wants to hang around here with their snooty monks and weirdly dry and clean floors.

As far as she can tell, Beau was never even here.

Just alive, which is kind of enough. The Mighty Nein are good people, and there's no particular reason Beau would need Keg at all.

So she takes the guy's advice, but she does spit on the floor when he's not looking before she leaves.

* * *

The Run don't change, and maybe Keg shouldn't expect to either. She doesn't bother to go anywhere except the bar, when she gets back. Fuck it. Fuck _all_ of it.

“Keg! Hey! Great timing, we were looking for you, we're going to take on the Jagentoth—”

Beau has some scars she didn't before. Keg can remember things. About people. About the placement of every scar. For no particular reason.

She's also wearing a really awesome coat that makes her look like a pirate, and she's still super hot, which is kind of pissing Keg off because there are still holes in _her_ armour and she's all road dirty, and out of cigarettes because the price of tobacco in Rexxentrum is _stupid_ and the Crownsguard fined her most of her gold anyway.

If this was a proper story, then Keg would know how to say something clever, but Keg's never been mistaken for clever in her life.

“Fuck you, asshole!” she yells, and grabs a beer from the nearest table and hurls it at Beau as she advances. Not the best shot she's ever made. It goes wide and bounces off the bar, earning her a glare from the barkeep, but like that's enough to earn a ban from a bar in Shadycreek Run. Keg stabbed a guy in here, once. Maybe twice, but it was the same guy both times so that probably doesn't count. “I thought you might be dead! I love you! Fuck! Ignore that part!”

Beau's eyes go wide. “Duck.” she says, and swings her staff, and normally Keg would absolutely go with it when somebody yells _duck_, but this is all very sudden, and she kind of mostly manages to get her skull exactly in the way of Beau's staff instead.

Keg sits on the floor and wonders if maybe the ringing in her ears is what love is supposed to feel like. Beau's second swing knocks back the guy behind her with the knife— _oh, right, did kind of just steal a guy's drink there_— and now she's standing over Keg like some sort of protective angel who is also a really sexy pirate and Keg doesn't know if her heart or her crotch will explode first.

Luckily the guy who was planning to have a go at Just Keg decides that by the unspoken laws of Shadycreek Run, he's now okay with the loss of his drink since he has two friends with him, one of them already half way to the door by the time the fight broke out, and Beau has, well, more than two, anyway. The barkeep clears his throat repeatedly until somebody puts enough coin on the bar for several rounds of drinks, and then everyone ignores them.

The barkeep doesn't bring them any more drinks.

Silence. For about three seconds before Jester pipes up. “Okay, so, hi Keg, it's really nice to see you, I was totally going to send you a message but we ran out of spells yesterday and also I forgot, but _anyway_ you should probably lie down somewhere because you might have a concussion and Beau can look after you while we go get supplies, okay?”

“Uh—” Keg manages.

“We need supplies?” Beau says.

“Take a hint.” Fjord growls at her, and that is how Keg finds herself in a shitty inn room with Beau, Jester promising that they'll totally knock _really loudly_ when they come back, okay?

“So, uh.” Beau says. “You want to... talk... or something?”

No, Keg thinks. I want to run away as far as possible, because you and everyone you know probably can't even spell self-preservation, not that I can actually spell a lot of words, but you're really pretty smart so you _ought to_. You walk back into town and tell me you're taking on the Jagentoths like Molly didn't teach you _anything_? You kill one bunch of slavers and now you think you're gods or something?

If I run away fast enough maybe I won't have to watch anyone die. If I don't care, maybe it won't hurt when they scream. If I walk away in the morning, maybe it won't hurt to say goodbye.

Those were the lessons The Run taught her, but Beau leans in waiting for an answer, and The Run don't change, but maybe Keg can. “Not really. But you know, maybe if I stick around maybe we could... talk... later?”

“When you're not concussed and Jester's not _listening at the door?_” Beau asks, raising her voice for the last part.

“HEY FJORD, HELP ME LOOK FOR THIS RING I DEFINITELY DROPPED RIGHT OUTSIDE MINE AND BEAU'S ROOM OKAY – NEVER MIND I FOUND IT OKAY WE'RE GOING NOW FOR REAL THIS TIME.”

“Assholes.” Beau says, fondly, and fishes a bottle of out her pack, unlabelled, and offers it over.

Keg drinks, and they don't talk.

* * *

Keg lives, like an asshole, even though she knows all kinds of better people that died before her. She doesn't run, and she doesn't walk away in the morning, and it _hurts_— but it's a good hurt, not a good hurt like Beau pushing her up against the wall and every scrape of rough stone focusing into a bright point of _fuck yeah_, but a good hurt like your muscles aching after a hard day, like it's a hurt she's earned, somehow.

A hurt of seeing Beau go down, and this thing can shoot its spikes _at you_, that's some bullshit, but Keg knows if she rushes between the monster and Caduceus he'll have Beau up again in a moment, that she'll wipe the blood from her mouth and grin to see Keg wailing at the monster with hammer and axe, that it'll be super fucking hot.

They still haven't gotten around to talking. Turns out Keg is really, really, bad at talking when Beau is near her, even worse than usual, actually.

But this one day, when Beau reaches down at the end of a fight with one bloodied hand, smiling, Keg feels something bubbling up, like a really big burp but of feelings, and it just comes out. “I love you.” 

“I know.” Beau says, and smirks, which is really hot until Keg starts trying to work out what that _means_, and maybe the panic is showing on her face because Beau starts making a face too. “Shit! Sorry! I mean— it was in one of Jester's books and it sounded really cool, maybe it came out wrong, uh, me too?”

“You too?” Keg replies, slightly dazed.

“Yeah.”

They stare at each other for a moment. “This is _not_ how a proper love confession is supposed to go, you guys.” Jester complains. “Just kiss already!”

Beau turns. “I was _going to_, but if I kiss her _now_ it will seem like it was your idea, and that's _weird_.”

“Not kissing is _weirder_. Right, Fjord?”

“Could we maybe not argue about this until we've made sure there's no more of those things around?”

“I still cannot make a side bubble.”

**Author's Note:**

> if only Keg had thought to go to Port Damali she could have got banned from all the same libraries as Beau


End file.
